There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
