Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
