ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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