She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize