I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
