The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
