nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I have fence marks all over my body
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Drunk is a universal language darling
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
