well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
