Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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