Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
