i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You were trust falling into bushes
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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