if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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