What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
