I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
