I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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