her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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