I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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