And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
