i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
