I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
