I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
