dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
well I can't set my house on fire every night
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
