He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
