My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
