i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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