I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
