Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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