Swine flu. Run for my life!
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
