I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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