I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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