So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So vagazzling was a success
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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