I have demons in me.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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