we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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