I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
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I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
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Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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