I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize