he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
