Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
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Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
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She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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