shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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