do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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