after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
