i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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