saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
