can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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