Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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