All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I need to align my fucking chakras
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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