Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
