I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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