She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
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