I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
