my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
