Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Drunk is not a location!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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