i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
