There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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