I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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