Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
