Can i not drive my cunt home
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
