Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
