I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
