just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
