Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
