He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
