she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
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Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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