i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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