On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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