You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
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he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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