it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
