The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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