her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just sent this text using only my big toe
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.