The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
