He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you