the condom got lost in my hair
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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