puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
