Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
