dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
