My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize
