Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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