found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
