thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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