I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
