I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
