Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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